Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Embracing Oldeness

People celebrate birthdays. Why do they? Don't they actually celebrate their age? People in general hide their wrinkles, blacken their grey, tighten their paunch - yet tend to celebrate their anniversaries on earth. That's kind of controversial, isn't it?

I am stepping on my 40th year today. I am immensely thankful to Allah that my life has been full. Full of happiness and sorrow, good days and hard days, hope and desperation, determination and despair -- the way a life should be. I am grateful that I could hold my composure in the days those were not easy on me.

Now I've just stepped on my 40th. I have a male-type baldness, one can spot a few gray hair on my long-grown beard, I got my first hyperopic glasses a couple of months back, I need to exercise to stay fit, I got rid of sugar from my cups of tea and I received the first handmade birthday card from my younger offspring. Hey, I am getting old!

I've started to realize that my options are limited now. Many things I wanted to be, and spent time trying to be, are not options anymore. My time is limited, more than ever before. I can't possibly be a guitarist (I tried and failed) -- I don't have much time left to restart. I can't possibly be a percussionist -- I tried that too -- and half-succeeded. Becoming director of a great movie isn't possibly an option anymore. I have only two children, I wish I had 15, but that possibly isn't going to happen. I wanted to learn a couple of more languages -- Arabic and French. And Spanish. I wanted to write a novel, a script of a TV drama, and screenplay of a Canne-winning film -- those are possibly options no more. I have limited time, I'll have to prioritize my bucket list.

I have to focus on what I think are the most important for me. My three children -- two biological and one legal (that's Nascenia, my company!) are on my priority. I need to ensure I play good roles as a son and a husband and a neighbor and a citizen and a Muslim. Those are already too much to deal with. One lifetime is hardly enough to meet everyone's expectation, and I have spent more than half of it, statistically speaking.

Resolution on my 40th year on this planet is to focus and jettison some of the items in my bucket. Understand that I have less time than I ever had. Celebrate my elderliness. I am not young anymore. I can't dream of many things with a hope that on someday everything will fall into place. Time to be realistic and dream only those I can possibly achieve.  No more time to fool around, tasting waters -- time to apply the learning and give back!

I thank all of my friends, colleagues, family-members and acquaintances who wished me in person, over phone, through SMS, email and the great invention of this time -- Facebook. (I think wishing a happy birthday is kind of lame though. Why wish for the day to be happy only; why not the whole year or the lifetime ahead? I am sure you love me enough to wish me a year-full-off happiness :))

Postscript: Google search engine appeared on my browser with a bunch of cakes and candles. That's a surprise, but kind of non-humane -- cybertronic. Last thing I wish on my birthday that someone would write a program which I can configure so that it wishes me back automatically.

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